Want You
by NoBoysNBerries
Summary: Ashley's rock career takes off, she leaves Spencer. After almost 2 1/2 years Ashley is finally off the road, ending her tour back in LA. Determined to get Spencer back. Will Spencer come back? Or has she already moved on? Promise this is mine. Cant log into my other account, sweetyounglove. Edited and changed around a bit. Enjoy :)
1. Chapter 1

**WANT YOU**

**Ashley's rock career takes off, she leaves Spencer. After almost 2 1/2 years Ashley is finally off the road, ending her tour back in LA. Determined to get Spencer back. Will Spencer come back? Or has she already moved on?**

**AN:  I don't own any of these lovely characters other than the ones who obviously weren't in the show. This is my story, promise. I cant log into my older account sweetyounglove. I am re uploading it and making edits, changing a bunch of crap. The usual, enjoy :)**

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**Chapter 1**

***APOV***

I take a few deep breaths as I take a sip of water that's laying over by Randy our drummer. Giving him a smile and nod before I turn back to the roaring crowd, smiling wide as I bring the mic up to my mouth, "So as you crazy kids might know. We are about to record an all a new album after our show in LA tomorrow night." Laughing a little as the stadium is filled with cheers and whistles. "As Vegas being my second favorite city coming in just under LA LA Land, you guys are in for a treat." Looking to my left as some of the crew members roll my jet black piano onto the stage, along with a few stools for the guys about to back me up on vocals and guitars. I sit down on the bench in front of the piano, hooking the mic to its stand. Tilting my head back to the crowd, "Consider yourselves lucky cause not even the folks in LA have heard this yet. You guys are the first."

Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath as I play the opening chords...

**High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life  
****Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time  
****Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends  
****A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again**

**'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need  
****Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why  
****If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
****If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?**

_'God, I never should have sung this song. Not live.' 'Keep it the fuck together Ashley. This is just the beginning. I'll do whatever it takes to get her back.'_

**Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends  
****It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense  
****Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose  
****If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you**

_Looking back to the crowd, smiling softly as I see lighters in the air with everyone listening intently._

**'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need  
****Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why  
****If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
****If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?**

_Closing my eyes as tears start to fall as I choke up. 'Come on Ashley. It's almost over. Just get through it.'_

**Why are you my clarity?  
****Why are you my remedy?  
****Why are you my clarity?  
****Why are you my remedy?  
****If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
****If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?**

_Taking another deep breath to steady my voice, making sure there's still a waiver of emotion in it as the last notes ring out..._

**Why are you my clarity?**

Smiles back at the audience listening to the roar of their cheers fill my ears. Becoming the only thing I feel, the only thing I hear. These moments keep me going. I look back to the side of the stage where I see my sister Kyla, my rock. The only person that kept me sane during all of this. Well as sane as I could be. These last 2 years have been a whirlwind of emotions, mostly bad. But that's a story for later. I nod to her and make half a heart putting it against my chest. She just laughs and shakes her head, mimicking my movements.

I stand back up as the band gets ready to do our final song. Smirking as Oli starts with the into to Heart of Fire. I jump on top of one of the stacks towards the side of the stage.

**Driving through this world unknown,  
****I've built my life on broken bones.  
****Not living for this anymore,  
****You want a fight... I'll bring a war!**

Right here, this moment, I feel alive and carefree. I never want this to end.

_~My name is Ashley Davies. This is my life, my story. Enter my crazy world if you dare~_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:**** still down own anything**

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**Chapter 2**

***APOV***

I sigh softly as I sit on the tour bus, still in my torn up Ramones shirt, skinny jeans and vans. With my hair still a mess. I'm on my way to the last show of the tour. Riding down another lonely desolate highway. It's about 3am so I'm sitting alone at one of the tables. This is usually where I find myself. Sitting alone in the middle of the night drowning my sorrows in a bottle of jack and cigarettes, maybe a few drugs here and there. But being alone is what I prefer. It gives me a chance to remove my mask. It lets me get back to the real me not the awesome rocker chick Ashley. But the broken, defeated, worn down Ashley, the girl who is longing to be whole again. Wanting to fill this void in my heart that's been there for years. Knowing exactly who I know who can fill it.

I drunkly lean over grabbing my wallet from my back pocket. Opening it up and digging through the familiar slot until I find what I'm looking for. Taking another swig of the ember liquid, wincing as it burns my throat slightly. I slowly unfold the paper smiling sadly as I come face to face with the girl who stole my heart, running my fingers across the picture. I still remember what she felt like against me. The way her eyes lit up when she was excited, the feel of her lips against mine. I remember everything about her.

***FLASHBACK***

_I tackle her into the water with me. Swimming out deeper, it's our summer vacation before our senior year. Spence and I have spent every day together and pretty much every night._

_I turn around, floating as I wait for her to come back up. Outta nowhere I feel hands around both my ankles. Muttering an 'oh shit' before my senses are overwhelmed with the salty water around me. When I come back up she's laughing uncontrollably, fully enjoying herself. I start pouting, "No kisses for you for an entire week asshole." She immediately stops laughing and gives me this 'you're kidding me look' then begins to give me this sly smile. "You're kidding right? You're gonna punish yourself as well? Ash, you can't even go thirty minutes without kissing me." I raise an eyebrow, "Oh yeah? I can last way longer than that. Let's make a deal, if I kiss you before thirty minutes is up then you win and I'll do whatever you ask. But if I win then you have to do whatever I ask. Deal?" Holding my hand out, she grips it, pulling me closer till our hips our pressed together. I bite my lip as I feel her sun-kissed skin against mine._

_She leans in so close our lips are almost touching. She breathes. "Deal." I shudder as I feel her fingertips caressing my sides. 'Fuck it, who am I kidding. She always wins. I need to stop making these bets.'_

_I place both my hands on her cheeks, rubbing them with the pads of my thumbs. Kissing her as soft and lovingly as I can, I pull away just enough to look into her eyes, whispering, "I love you forever." She smiles "I love you always" I groan a bit when I feel her squeeze my hips. "So whatever I want, huh?" I nod having this feeling it'll be a long day..._

***END FLASHBACK***

I cover my face with my hands fighting back the memories, hitting my palm against the table. Grabbing a cigarette, leaning back as I take a drag. Slowly breathing out "Fuck Spence, I can't stop loving you. I don't want to stop." Leaning my forehead against the window just in time to see the 'Welcome to California' sign. Home sweet home, making everything real again. The pain and lonely feeling completely real. Sighing softly taking another drag, "well, here goes nothing."

***SPOV***

_'BEEP BEEP BEEP'_

I groan, burying my head deeper into my pillow. I feel the arm that was holding me all night wrap tighter around my waist and lips press against my bare shoulder. Smacking the alarm quiet groaning and shaking my head. Feeling those same lips against my ear, "rise and shine baby. Time to get up, you have a shoot today" I lift my head a little and turn my attention to brown eyes. Not the caramel brown that I am still longing for. Carmen reminds me so much of her. Carmen's skin isn't nearly as dark as Ashley's; her nose doesn't crinkle like Ashley's when she smiles. She's not as cocky...

I'm brought out of my thoughts by a soft kiss. "You okay babe?" I kiss her nose and hop out of bed going through my closet, looking for something to wear. I'll be at the beach pretty much all day. So hopefully I'll find something. "Yeah hun, I'm just tired. These shoots are killing me. I swear I'm working with idiots." I sigh and lean back against her when she wraps her arms around me. "I'm sure they are. But the scenes are almost done, right?" I nod. "So soon you won't have to work with those actors again. Plus I have something planned for us for our one year."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Our anniversary is today. I totally spaced. I'll have to get something before I come home. Turning around in her arms smiling and trying to play it off like I didn't forget, "Well tell me what it is and I'll just have to make love to you tonight." She smiles and shakes her head. No chance of giving in. "I'll just take my chances babe. You just have to wait till tonight." She gives me a kiss before heading to the bathroom. I just stand there in the middle of the room. Trying to figure out what she has planned. I look at the clock, "shit, I'm gonna be late. Looks like I'll just have to get coffee later. I quickly get dressed. Grabbing my stuff and yelling out an 'I love you' before heading out the door. Driving to the beach with two things on my mind, it's been two years since I've seen Ashley and trying to figure out what I'm going to get Carmen.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:**** still down own anything**

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**Chapter 3**

***NOPOV***

_Meanwhile, Across LA, in a cemetery on top of a hill. It looks over the ocean. Exactly what one man that was buried there didn't want. He wanted to be spread along the Sunset Strip, where he lived most of his life. There is a girl who is kneeling down in front of the headstone with the cool granite against her head. As another girl is standing just behind her. They are both visibly crying, painfully mourning the loss of their loved one._

***APOV***

I keep my eyes closed as I start to sob, wiping my eyes as I feel Kyla's hand on my shoulder. Trying to give me some kind of comfort. I squeeze her hand gratefully she gets the hint that I need to be alone "I'll be in the car when you're ready" She kisses my head then the top of the headstone, running her fingers along the top. "Love ya dad" I make sure she's out of earshot before I start speaking. "Fuck dad, I miss you so damn much. Kyla does too. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm so fucking lost daddy." Ah good ole' Raife Davies, the rock and roll god. The last time I saw him was the first time him and Spencer met. It was for my birthday. He gave me his leather cut. I wear it every night I'm on stage. Honestly if it wasn't for him I'd never be doing what I am. Music was everything to him. "I just wish you were here to see me on stage. All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me. I need advice dad. I need your guidance. Please... please just come back. I'm begging you."

My legs no longer being able to support me, I turn my body and lean back against the headstone. Resting my head back against it as I try to calm down again. A few moments pass and I wipe my eyes taking a deep breath "as you can tell I really fucked up with Spencer. I know you liked her. I remember you pulling me aside and you told me to marry that woman." I laughed bitterly at the memory. I did the exact opposite. When you died I couldn't deal. I left, I ran and I broke her heart. I haven't seen or talked to her in over two years, but after tonight I'm here to record my next album. I'm going to make this right. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get her back, no matter what." Stands back up and looks back at the grave "I love you daddy, I'll make you proud of me one day." I walk away not looking back. When I reach the car I grab my sunglasses and my phone. "I'm going to head to the beach. I need to clear my head and the pier is the best place to do it." Throwing my sunglasses over my tear filled eyes, coming up here is never easy. Kyla grabs my hand and looks up at me "Are you going to be okay? Do you want me to come with you" I shake my head "Naw, you go spend time with that boy of yours. I'm sure he's missing you. I'll be fine, promise." With that I turn around and start making my way down the hill only to turn around when I hear Kyla yell an 'I love you' Smiling I wave and yell "I love you too sis."

***SPOV***

Sighs and throw my headphones on the table. I'm so sick of this shit. These guys are all idiots and they only know half of the lines. Thankfully the scenes are almost over. "CUT! Fucking a guys, there's no emotions. Matt, your characters girlfriend just died. He loved her. So get your fucking shit together. Take a break, everyone figure your shit out. We have plenty of daylight left so be ready in an hour or so." I get up and grab my ipod and my still camera out of my trailer before quickly walking off set before anyone can stop me to ask some stupid question.

***APOV***

Takes my chucks and socks off, smiling as my feet hit the sand. Nothing beats Cali beaches. Miami is nice but there's just a certain relaxation you get from LA beaches. Nothing can ever compare. I pull my hood over my head hoping no one will recognize me. I really don't want to deal with anyone at the moment. I look up seeing the pier in the distance. I look back down at my feet. Watching the water wash over them. I get lost in my thoughts about where I'm going to find Spence. I don't know where she's living now. All I know is that she's still here in LA. Apparently Kyla stays in touch with her. Maybe I'll grill Kyla before the show tonight. I'm pulled from my thoughts when I feel like I've just ran into a brick wall. I feel our limbs tangle in a familiar way. I shut my eyes tighter. Fuck, that vanilla smell. This girl smells just like Spence. Feels just like Spence. Damn it Ashley just open your fucking eyes. You're daydreaming. It's what this fucking city does to you. Open your damn eyes. I take a deep breath and hold it, taking off my sunglasses as I open my eyes. Surprised as I come face to face with the girl I fell in love with all those years ago. Face to face with the girl who I broke over two years ago, letting out my breath, "Spence?"

***SPOV***

_**I've got the gift of one liners  
**__**And you've got the curse of curves...**_

I smile as the lyrics of Cute is What We Aim For blasts through my headphones. Drowning out the world around me, looking at the world through the lens. Taking a few pictures hoping something will come out of it when I go to edit them later. Turning around and walking backwards. Closing my eyes and letting the breeze from the ocean blow all my worries, my cares away just for a little bit. Just as I turn around again I run right into someone. My camera and ipod flying a few feet away as I fall on top of the random stranger. 'Shit, Carmen is going to kill me if I just scratched the lens again.'

My blonde hair mixing with her short brown, a familiar lavender scent fills my senses as my heart starts to race. I sit there straddling her as I look at her. Noticing something familiar behind those dark sunglasses, 'No it can't be. Not here. Not today.' As soon as she takes off the sunglasses my heart stops. I look into the eyes of the girl who destroyed me.

"Spence?"

Fuck, Fuck, shit... What do I do? It's really her. "I...uhhh. Can't…" Come on Spencer. Get your shit together. "I can't do this. Please don't follow me." I quickly get up and practically run back to the set. I hear her call out to me. That's when I realize that my camera and ipod are still in the sand next to her. Fuck, I'm gonna have to see her again, so not what I wanted. I quickly slam my trailer door shut and sit on the couch, covering my face with my shaky hands. Why the fuck is she here? Fuck, her last show of her worldwide tour is here. She's back, back in LA.

***APOV***

I just sit there watching her run, watching the love of my life run away from me. I guess it's what I deserve. I mean what did I expect, her to just fall back into my arms again? No, unfortunately life just isn't that easy. I see her duck into a trailer on what looks like some kind of movie set. I wonder if she is making her dreams come true and making movies. I run my hand through my mohawk. Making a mental note to get it trimmed again putting my sunglasses back on. As I stand to wipe the sand off my clothes I notice a camera and ipod haphazardly lying in the sand. I pick them up and look back up at the trailer. "Well sorry Spence, but it looks like I have to follow you." I slowly make my way to the set, with the ipod in my pocket, camera in one hand and my chucks in the other.

Just before I reach the steps to the trailer there's a hand placed on my shoulder halting me in my tracks "I'm sorry miss, but there's no press on..." I know that voice. 'Damn, how many people from my past am I going to see today?' I take my sunglasses off and take a deep breath. Mentally preparing myself for the brutal words that are about to come my way. I slowly turn around and smile a little bit. My smile fades when I see his hateful glare once he realizes that I'm far from a press member.

"Ashley fucking Davies. What the fuck do you want?" Yep, figures as much. I knew this was coming. I mean after all I did break his baby sisters heart. "Uh, hey Glen. It's nice to see you too. How've you been?" He grips my upper arm and moves me back so he's between me and the trailer door. "You need to leave Davies. Spencer wants nothing to do with you and frankly I don't either." Sighing in partial defeat "Please, just let me give her the camera back, its hers" He looks down at the camera then back up at me before snatching the camera from me. "Why the fuck do you have her camera?" Sighing and pushing my hands in my pockets "We literally ran into each other just a few minutes while I was walking along the water. Just please let me talk to her. I want to apologize for everything." He laughs hatefully and shakes his head "Not gonna fucking happen, you aren't going to ever see her. I'll give her the camera back. You need to leave now Davies. I'm calling security" I hold my hands up in defeat and I start backing up. "There's no need, I'll go." I look at the window next to the door and I see the shade move slightly. I raise my voice a bit "Spence, I'm so sorry. Please, I need to talk to you. I'm not sure if you still have my number, but it's still the same. If not, then you know where to find me. I'm back at my dad's old place. The key is still where it always has been."

I look back over to Glen and I nod slightly. He watches me leave and calls out "I won't let you ruin her again Ashley. She's finally okay. I won't let her contact you." I flick him off "She's an adult Carlin; let her make her own decisions. You might be able to keep me from her but you can't keep her from me."

I turn around and walk off the set, towards the pier. I pull out my phone and cigarettes. I dial a familiar number as I take a drag. "Hey Aiden...yeah I'm okay...Listen, I'm back in town to finish my tour. I'll be here for a bit. Meet me at the pier...I need a bag...I picked it back up. Please?...Kyla won't kill you if you don't tell her...Okay see you in a bit. Thanks."


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Yep still don't own a single thing. Which reminds me. I don't own any of the songs either. Chapter 1 : Clarity(Acoustic)-Zedd, Heart of Fire-Black Veil Brides. Chapter 3: The Curse of Curves-Cute is What We Aim For.**

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**CHAPTER 4**

***APOV***

Sighs in relief when only my car is parked in the driveway, which means I can be alone and do what I need to. I lean over and kiss Aiden's cheek "Thanks Aiden. You're the best." He pushes me playfully away from him. "I so didn't miss your sad attempts at sucking up. But I did miss you." I laugh at him and shake my head. "Hey, what's with the harsh words? I missed you too. You coming to the show tonight?" He nods "You know me. I'll be there. Plus who's gonna keep all those girls from throwing themselves at you?" I punch him in the arm laughing harder "Hey now, stay away from those girls. They're mine. I'll get you backstage. You can come party with the band and I after the meet and greet." He just smirks and nods "See ya tonight Davies"

I get out and walk into a house I haven't been into in what seems like forever. I didn't have the heart to sell it when my father died so I just moved whatever I had at Christine's over here, packing away all of my dad's stuff and putting it into storage before I went on tour. It's a decent size, two stories with a full finished basement that I turned into a personal gym. My room with a joined bathroom and the music studio on the upper floor with the steps just to the right of the front door. The downstairs has the usual, living room to the left of the front door, with the best leather couches you could ever sit on. The kitchen and dining room out towards the back of the house, with the basement stairs under the upper stairs. There's a back porch and an upper deck that comes off of my room. I have about 10 acres so it leaves me a lot of privacy. Nothing but wooded area surrounding the house with my house being the only one on this road. So when I say private I mean it. And you have to have a pool, I mean its California people. We all have them. Plus a pool house which is just like an apartment. For ya know, people who I don't sleep with. I go into the kitchen and open the fridge to see that my lovely sister went shopping for me. I grab the jack and a spoon before I head to my music room. Looking around I see that my sister has basically unpacked everything that I don't need for tonight. I shake my head and laugh a little bit. If it wasn't for her everything would still be in their cases collecting dust.

I fall onto the couch and look out the back yard. I shove my hand in my pocket grabbing two baggies. One filled with the sweet Mary Jane and the other. Well, its black tar heroin. Now I know what you're thinking. Don't do it. You have so much to live for. You are a famous rock star. Well isn't that what us rock stars do? Drugs till they kill us?

I sit up and reach under the couch feeling for my little black box. I pull it out and wipe the dust from the top of it, opening it to take out my rolling papers and the syringe. Leaning back against the couch, I open the baggie placing some of the H on the spoon. I put the spoon on the table to break up some of the weed. I quickly roll a joint and lick it shut. See Kyla wouldn't kill me cause of the weed. She knows I use it to either wind down or to binge write. But the H, yeah I'd be dead. It's what killed our dad. He nodded off at the wheel while he was high. I sigh as I shake the memory from my mind. Lighting the joint taking a long drag, letting the smoke settle in my lungs before exhaling. I pick up the spoon again and hold the joint with my lips. Taking drags from it as I melt down the H. I fill the syringe already feeling the effects of the weed cloud and clear my mind all at the same time. I lean forward and stub the joint out before extending my arm, quickly finding a vein. Biting my lip as the needle pierces my skin. Sighing in content as the drugs course through my veins, tossing the syringe on the table before lighting a cigarette. I feel something in my back pocket. Grabbing it and sighing again when I see Spencer's ipod. Mumbles, "Well shit"

***SPOV***

I throw my keys in the dish by the door when I finally get home. Today hasn't been the most pleasant. Not with Ashley back, not with literally running into her. I mean, come on LA is a huge city with thousands of people, what was the chance of running into her again? Smiling when I smell the chicken alfredo, my favorite.

"Hey baby, I'm home. Dinner smells delicious." I say as I walk around the corner into the kitchen. I kiss her softly. I feel her smile against my lips. "Hey babe, glad you're home. There's wine on the table, dinner is almost done. Go change for tonight." I go to ask her again what we are doing so I know what to wear. She stops me "Before you even ask that question, something comfortable. We'll be standing all night." I shake my head, she knows me to well for my own good. I kiss her quickly before I walk away. But before I head to our room, I grab a long black box out of my bag and set it on her plate. I call out as I walk to the room "Don't you dare open that box till I get back woman!" She just responds with a laugh. I quickly change into a pair of jeans and my favorite tank. I grab a light jacket and my chucks to put on later.

Once I get back to the dining room the wine is already poured and food on the plates. Carmen is sitting across the table playing with the felt box. She perks up hearing me enter the room again. "Finally, I was about to open my gift without you." I just laugh and shake my head "Well then I'd have to kick that cute ass of yours" She raises an eyebrow at me and smirks "You'd never lay a hand on me you big softie" I hold my hands up in surrender "Damn, you caught me, but don't let anyone know, you'll ruin my rep. Open your present woman." I smile wide when I see her eyes light up. It's just a simple silver cross on a small chain. "I get up and stand behind her helping her put it on "I saw you eyeing it a while back and I knew how badly you wanted it." She pulls me into a deep kiss then pulls away and whispers "I love it and I love you Spence" I smile warmly at her "I love you too Carm." She kisses me again and playfully pushes me back to my seat "Eat so you can get your present."

***30 MINS LATER***

I'm bouncing up and down in my seat next to Carmen as she drives deeper into the city. Right now we are sitting in LA traffic that's worse than usual because of Ashley's show tonight. Then it dawns on me. The only thing that's this way is the theater where a bunch of bands play. I look over to Carmen and bite my lip wanting to hear a different answer than what I know I'm about to hear. "You're taking me to go see Ashley Davies play aren't you?" Please say no, just say no. I tried to hide my anxiety when she just smiles wide and nods her head "Yeah. I saw you checking her out a few months back and I know you like a few of her songs" I was only looking at that stuff cause I missed her and I wanted to see if she was okay. And yeah I like a few of her songs, she has an amazing voice and the music she writes is great. Carmen has no idea Ash and I used to date. Yeah I told her about what happened with my ex, just never told her who said ex was. "Thanks babe. That's great. I'm really excited." Her smile gets wider "Even better? I got us VIP passes. We get to meet them" I smile wide and act like I'm excited. I pull her close to me and kiss her "Thanks babe. You are fucking awesome. I love you" Fuck, after the run in today I find out that I am going to see Ash, again. Please let this not be awkward.

***APOV***

I leave the bathroom backstage after taking another syringe full of H. Steadying myself against the wall being slightly light headed. I pull myself together, shaking my head and I try my best to act sober. Feeling the warmth and comfort the drugs are giving me. The hurt and emptiness in the middle of my heart, finally numbing and felling that void. I run into Oli on the way back to where the rest of the band is. He gives me this look, shit he sees it. I'm so dead. Why did I ever think that I would be able to keep this from an ex junkie. "Hey Oli, what's up? You ready for tonight." He doesn't answer, just looks me in the eyes and sighs before pulling me into an empty room. I'm thrown up against the wall with his forearm on my chest holding me against it. I groan and try to push him back desperately. My body tensing when he grabs the arm band and pulls it down my arm. I stop all movements and rest my head back against the wall, closing my eyes in defeat, whispering "I ran into her earlier. I couldn't handle it. I'm sorry." I feel him back away and I open my eyes. I look into his eyes and see disappointment "What was it? Heroin?" I don't answer him, just look down at the floor. "Jesus fucking christ dude, do you want to end up like your old man? That shit fucking killed him. Where's the rest of it?" He waits patiently for me to answer "Its back at the house. I already boiled it down, had it in the syringe when I got here." He just laughs and shakes his head "Well enjoy it cause the dope sickness is going to be horrible. I know being back in this city is hard for you. I get it. But turning to fucking dope is the wrong answer" With that he walks out and I jump slightly when he slams the door behind him.

I pull the arm band back up and slide down the wall, resting my head on my knees. Well that couldn't have gone any worse.

***1 HOUR LATER***

I didn't realize how long I had been sitting in that room alone, consumed by my thoughts. A knock at the door made me jump from my thoughts. "Hey big sis, you're on in 5." I clear my throat and stand, opening the door. "Yeah got it" I brush past her and she doesn't follow thinking my mood is being back in this place. I grab my dad's leather cut, kissing it before I put it on. Then I grab my guitar, strapping it around my shoulders, letting it hang behind me. I head to our little ritual circle and prepare the pep talk. I put my arms around Randy and Mitch's shoulders. I look up at Oli but he doesn't look at me. I sigh softly "Alright guys, tonight's the closing night. We are back home where these fans are crazy. I just wanted to say that I wouldn't have wanted to spend the last year and a half in a stuffy bus with you nasty fucks." They all laugh. I smile and look at all of them "But seriously. Thank you. I love you crazy kids. Now enough of the mushy shit and lets go out there and tear this shit up."

We all break apart as our into song blasts through the speakers. Oli starts playing the riff as we all walk out. I feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins as the cheering gets louder. Lastly I look up at the ceiling and I blow a kiss to the ceiling. "Love you dad" I walk onto the stage my heart pumping as the crowd roars. We are playing the theater that's smaller than what we are used to but it's packed from front to back. "What's up LA?" The screams only get louder "Open that fucking pit up. I know you guys are all crazy fucks out there. Let's do this shit!" I join Oli in the riff. I look out into the crowd, trying to connect with a few faces like every other show. I wish I hadn't done that. Because those blue eyes that haunt my dreams is in the front between the barricade and stage. Fuck she has a VIP pass. Then I notice some brunette standing next to her with her arm around Spencer. Fuck. This is going to be a long set and night.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Got a major case of writers block, new job, and then a broken computer. But here's the new chapter and because I've been gone so long I'll have another chapter today. Maybe two, but only if you're good. ;) Song is called The First Punch by Pierce The Veil. Lastly I sadly don't own SON just my characters I've created in my crazy head.**

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**CHAPTER 5**

***SPOV***

I laugh a little bit when I hear Ashley yell 'Where you from fool?' She is always acting hard. But what these people don't know is she's far from who she shows on stage. I bob my head to the music as she starts to play one of my favorite songs, Oliver screaming and Ashley singing the clean vocals. I look behind me and see fans singing along and some of them going crazy.

**This world is about to change  
****1, 2...  
****1, 2, 3, 4  
****Look into my eyes  
****And write down the words you taste  
****Blood on your tongue with a crass embrace.  
****A photo kiss on the day we met said  
****"This will be a night we won't forget"  
****Speak slow now, I don't wanna miss when you cry  
****Glass over diamond blue eyes**

I bite my lip knowing that line was about me. I know in most of her lyrics there's little parts about me. But I shouldn't feel bad. She's the one who left me.

**And it's good enough to make me wanna fall in love  
****So move a little bit closer  
****Hear the sound of your voice  
****We're screaming, "Why can't we just be friends?"  
****It's not that easy, but it's half of the fun  
****To see you throw the first punch.**

I watch her as she moves across the stage, demanding everyone to look at her.

**Now, it's such a shame you had to go and run your mouth  
****Your mouth is what you make it, but at least I've got real friends  
****Can you hear me now?  
****Now that I'm a big star  
****Fuck you and your new love for yourself  
****It doesn't mean shit.**

I look into her eyes as they connect with mine. I see pain and regret that she is trying desperately to hide. But unfortunately for her, I was always good at seeing that wall she tries to put up.

**And it's good enough to make me wanna fall in love  
****So move a little bit closer  
****Hear the sound of your voice  
****We're screaming, "Why can't we just be friends?"  
****It's not that easy, but it's half of the fun  
****To see you throw the first punch now**

Ashley hops off the stage with her guitar behind her back. Shaking some fans hands, before turning to me and looking me dead in the eyes. I suddenly get lost in her caramel orbs, not being able to look away even if I tried.

**I've got so much to give, but  
****I would kill just to feel less invisible  
****And you've got so much to learn about gravity  
****So live it up baby, don't look down  
****Live it up baby, don't look down**

She breaks eye contact before handing her pick to some screaming fan. She gives her a sly wink. I can't help but notice she also gave said fan a folded piece of paper. Huh, wonder what that was about. Ashley looks back at me for a split second before hopping back on stage. The mic being clipped back onto its stand and another pick grabbed from its holding place.

**And it's good enough to make me wanna fall in love  
****So move a little bit closer  
****Hear the sound of your voice  
****We're screaming, "Why can't we just be friends?"  
****It's not that easy, but it's half of the fun  
****And I saw it coming when you threw the first punch  
****You threw the first punch  
****Now it's your turn to run**

**This is the breath that will take my life  
****There's no future but matches and propane.  
****And through the mutated words I write.  
****Kill it fast and never watch it die.**

The song finally ends and I clap along with everyone else. She grabs a bottle and drains it of whatever liquid that was in it and throws it into the crowd. "Thanks for coming out guys. Stay tuned. A new album is coming your way. Hopefully we'll see you out when we kick off our tour this summer. Love you all"

And with that she walks off the stage. I take a deep breath as Carmen pulls me along with the few others we were standing with. We head through a door back into the hallway. Hoping this goes smoothly. "You excited babe? I've never met anyone famous unlike you" I laugh nervously and nod "They aren't so famous babe. I do Sundance films, mainly just up and coming actors." She grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles "But I am excited. Thank you so much for tonight. I'm having an amazing time" Not a lie completely. I'm just dreading this part. Some girl walks out of the room and stands in front of the small group. She's slightly shorter than Ashley and a little different than her too. But she's her sister, Kyla Davies. We've kept in touch over the last few years. But out of respect she never mentioned Ashley, which I'm grateful for. "Okay, ladies and gentlemen. Give the guys a bit and we'll let you go in and talk to them for a little bit and take a few pictures."

Her smile gets wide when she sees me. "Holy shit, Spence?" I blush when everyone looks at me including my girlfriend. She pushes through the small crowd and hugs me tight. Carmen looking at me slightly confused. Kyla pulls Carmen and I back to a more secluded area. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I laugh a little and push her "Wow Davies, nice to see you too. Just here with everyone else, meeting the band. Oh, shit." I look over at Carmen who is standing awkwardly next to me. "Kyla this is my girlfriend Carmen. Carmen this is Kyla" Carmen looks at me again with confusion. "Wait. The Kyla Davies. As in Ashley's sister Kyla" Kyla laughs and holds her hand out. "The one and only." Carmen shakes her hand quickly "But wait, how do you two know each other?"

"Kyla and I went to high school before her ass decided to drop out with her sister and travel the world" Kyla looks a little sad and nods "Uh yeah, you know me Spence. I've always wanted to see the world. Plus you know Ash; she gets a little crazy so I had to look out for her." Carmen looks at me again "Wait so you know Ashley too? How come you've never told me?"

"Uhh yeah babe, Ashley and I had a few classes together back in high school. We were friends. But after their dad died we kind of grew apart. I haven't talked to Ashley since then. Kyla and I talk every once in a while though." I take a deep breath trying to keep my composure. Hoping Kyla doesn't mention that Ash and I used to date. But she doesn't get the chance to as she's called back to the room. Carmen steps in front of me "I'm sorry baby. If I would have known you and Ashley had a rocky past I wouldn't have brought you" I shake my head quickly and swallow the lump in my throat "It's all good babe. Ashley took it really hard when her dad died. From what Kyla's mentioned is that she secluded everyone. Apparently she was locked in her dad's studio and music room for days crying and writing. It was a good and horrible time for them both. But it'll be a good thing to catch up with her again." Well I know that's a lie, but gotta keep my emotions in check. Having that talk or more like an argument in front of Carmen would be bad.

***APOV***

I pace the room taking a few drags of the joint before passing it to Mitch. I look up when I hear the door open. Kyla just nods confirming that it is indeed Spence and she has a new girlfriend. 'Come on Ashley. Did you really expect her to be here waiting for you? She deserves to be happy.'

"Fuck, I can't do this Kyla. I ran into her at the beach today and she ran from me. The last thing I could have expected is for her to show up tonight. Why the fuck is she here?" Kyla puts her hands on my shoulders "You need to breathe Ash. Her girl bought the tickets and she had no clue that Spencer knew you or me. Her girlfriend doesn't even know that you two dated. So dont mention it." I take a deep breath and nod. Well this is going to be less awkward I guess. "Okay, let everyone in" I turn and grab the jack off the bar and take a huge swig of it before she walks in.

I sit down next to Mitch as the few people walk in. I smile and greet them all.

***45 Minutes Later***

After I walk everyone to the door I get the drunken courage to stop Spencer before she leaves "Hey, can we talk. Just 5 minutes. Please?" She looks at her little 'wanna be me' girlfriend, I'm sorry. Carmen I think. Carmen nods and says she'll be right outside the door then walks out. Spencer hesitates a little then just nods and sits on the couch. The guys filter out not wanting to be rude. Kyla looks at me and mouths good luck before closing the door behind her. I take a deep breath and run my hand through my hair. Not having a clue where to start. I hear her sigh "You have 4 minutes left Ashley." I wince at the anger in her voice. I lean against the bar and look over her wanting her to make eye contact but knowing it'll never happen. "You know I've never been good at actually talking. I'm better just singing it. But I don't have a song that expresses how sorry I am. When my dad... when he died I lost it. I ran and I know it was wrong. But I couldn't deal with the pain." I laugh sadly and look at my hands "I couldn't even bring myself to go to his funeral. I locked myself in his studio, for days. I was so fucking lost. I hurt a lot of people but I hurt you the most. A part of me was thinking, hoping that you'd be happy that I was back. That we could go back to what we were. But clearly we can't."

I look up when I feel her eyes bore into me. I see tears welling up in her eyes. I take a shaky breath and get on my knees in front of her, slowly putting my hands on her knees. "I never wanted to hurt you Spence, I uhh, I still love you. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about you. I loved sleeping because you were there with me every night. I dreaded waking up because I knew you'd never be there. I wanted to call but I had no clue what to say if you answered." I stop and gently squeeze her knees. Willing her to say anything, to stop me from what my dumb ass it about to do. I bring my hand up to her neck, pulling her in closer to me. I slowly bring my lips to hers. My heart explodes as soon as our lips touch. 'God have I missed this.' Everything about her is just like I remember it. Her lips finally move with mine. She grabs my tank top pulling me in between her legs, desperately holding me against her. I pull away slightly, whispering "Fuck baby, you feel so good" But before I can kiss her again I find myself on my back for the second time today, watching her run from me again. Feeling my heart break, knowing this is probably the last time I'll ever see her.

***SPOV***

I know I spoke to her harshly. But I need this conversation to be over with. Part of me feels bad for taking harshly but the other part of me knows she deserves it. I listen to everything she's saying. I feel tears welling in my eyes and I do everything to keep them from falling. I watch her get in front of me. The heat from her hands giving me the all to familiar goose bumps along my body. Wait... did she just say she still loves me. Fuck. I can't do this. But for some reason I can't move. Her scent has always been intoxicating. Apparently that hasn't changed. My breath catches as I feel her hand against my neck. Before I know what's happening she's kissing me. My brain and heart stop working. It's like I'm moving on auto-pilot. I feel my lips moving against hers. I let go of everything and grab whatever is closets to me pulling her against me. She pulls away, both of us breathing heavily. I hear her call me baby and I gain all bodily functions again. I push her away from me and she lands on her back. I get up quickly and bee-line it for the door. Not looking back as I run past Carmen and Kyla 'Fuck, Carmen. What the fuck did I just do?'

I take a deep breath as I burst through the doors of the theater and into the LA night. My knees no longer being able to support me I fall against the sidewalk. Crying into my hands, I knew staying back was a bad idea. All it brought back was the painful memory of her leaving again. Fuck, she still loves me. Fuck, I kissed her. Fuck, Carmen. What the fuck am I going to tell her? I tense and try to move away when I feel arms start to wrap around me. They tighten and I'm pulled into an embrace. "It's okay baby. It's just me. You're okay. Shhhh." I turn into her embrace, gripping her shirt, burying my face against her neck as I let everything go. I calm down after a while and start to doze off. I feel Carmen pick me up and she starts walking to the car. She lays me down in the back seat and kisses my forehead and goes to stand up. Before she can I grab her hand and look up at her through swollen eyes. I whisper, "I love you Carmen. So much" She smiles and kisses my hand "I know you do. I love you too babe. Now let's go home. We can talk about this tomorrow." I just nod and let myself drift into a deep sleep.

***KPOV***

I kind of like this Carmen chick. She's good for Spencer. Now before you get your panties in a twist. I'm not choosing sides, my sister fucked up. She ran and now she has to deal with the fact that Spencer moved on and that she's happy. I'm nodding and listening to how they first met when Spencer flies out of the room. I stand up quickly as does Carmen. Carmen is calling out for Spencer but she doesn't stop and quickly runs out the back door into the alley. I look at Carmen speechless. "I guess they have a pretty big past. I've never seen Spencer like this. It was nice to meet you but I have to go find her." I nod quickly "Yeah that's probably best. Just don't try to force her to talk about it. I've known her awhile. That'll just make her close up even more. Let her come to you" Carmen just nods before she chases after Spencer. I take a deep breath before walking into the room mentally preparing to pick up the pieces of my broken sister again.

As I walk into the room I see Ashley lying on the floor, curled up in a ball crying her eyes out choking out 'I'm sorry' over and over again. I quickly pull her into my arms and she tenses. "I fucked it all up Kyla. She's gone for good. She won't come back. I fucked up" I hold her tighter. Rocking her and rubbing her back, trying to find any way to get her to calm down.

About an hour passes and she has finally calmed down enough to tell me what happened. She pulls away and sits against the couch playing with the hem of her tank. "I apologized and told her the reason I shut down. That I was miserable every waking moment cause she wasn't with me." She stops and rubs her face with her palms and takes a deep breath and mumbles "I told her I was still in love with her and then I kissed her." I look at her like she's crazy. "You did what Ashley? She has a gir..." She quickly puts her hand over my mouth "Look I don't need the third degree. I know she is with someone else. I know it shouldn't have happened. It just did. But none of it matters because she's gone." I lean over and kiss her head "I'm so sorry Ashley. I could try to talk to her in a few days…maybe you two could be friends?" She gets up and quickly shakes her head. "No, I don't want to bother her again. I'm going to have one of the guy's drive me home. You should go be with your boy. I'll call you tomorrow"

I sigh as she downs the rest of the jack and grabs the other bottle along with the cut our dad gave her. She walks out and I lean back. Whispers "Fuck"

***APOV***

I stumble out of Mitch's truck. Mitch hops out and wraps an arm around my hips. I stop walking to take another swig of the jack. I need to wash away all the memories tonight. I need to forget about her. I need to forget what she smells like, what she tastes like, what she feels like. I smirk when I see the blonde fan get out of a red Honda, knowing that just for a bit I'll be able to forget. Mitch eyes her and sighs as he shakes his head then turns me around when we get to the door. "Please wake up tomorrow, love. I love you. I would tell you to go to bed. But we both know you aren't until you finish that bottle. Just be safe and wake up tomorrow or I'll bring you back myself and kill you again." I laugh and drunkly salute him. "You got it captionnnnn bossy pants." He opens the door for me as the lovely blonde wraps her arm around my waist and we both stumble inside. I feel her grip tighten around my waist and lips against my neck. I feel goose bumps forming against my skin as she speaks "Don't worry, I'll take good care of her" I shudder feeling pleasure roll right down to my core just by the sound of her husky voice. Mitch just scoffs "Oh, I'm sure you will. I'll come by tomorrow afternoon so you can pick up your car. Love you kid." I nod and slur back 'love you too' then I close the door, pushing the stranger against the now closed door. Crashing my lips with hers, smirking to myself as I hear her moan. 'Man these girls are so fucking easy'

I pull back and look into her eyes, not quiet the blue that I yearn for but fucking close enough. Grabbing her hand, tugging her up the steps to my room, setting the jack on my bedside table. "Wow, this is the last place I ever expected to be. I mean I'm standing here about to fuck Ashl…" I grab her face and kiss her again. Mumbling against her lips "Shut up and fuck me" Apparently that's all she needed to hear as I feel her basically rip my beater off exposing my bra clad breasts. I'm pushed back on top of my bed. Scooting myself to the middle as she starts to strip. My unfocused eyes playing tricks on me as I see the woman I really want to be here. I watch as she slowly climbs up my body before settling against my hips, effectively pinning my lower half against the bed. Soon feeling lips against the shell of my ear, "I'm about to rock your world baby." The heat from her breath cascading down my neck leaving another trail of goose bumps across my skin. I pull away only to lock our lips again. Running my tongue along her bottom lip, moaning when I'm granted access. My body involuntarily arching against her hand as it tweaks my nipples. Her lips leave mine only to leave a hot wet trail along my neck and chest. She pauses long enough to wrap her arms around me, quickly ridding me of my bra. I shiver as the cool air sweeps along my nipples only making them stand harder. My hand tangles in her hair, pulling it slightly, tilting her head back just enough to expose her neck. I bite and lick along her pulse point up to the shell of her ear. Smirking against her skin when she grinds her core against mine, "Show me what ya got."


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Here's the next chapter like I promised. There might be another one. I cant seem to stop writing now. :) As usual. I own nothing.**

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

***APOV***

It's been a few days since that night. I haven't talked to anyone, with the exception of Mitch to get my car and Aiden to get more drugs. I've got a few day supply of weed, H, and alcohol. So I don't plan on leaving the house. Don't want to run the chances of running into her again. Now I know what you're thinking. LA is a huge city what's the likelihood of you seeing her again. There's a small percentage. But there's still a chance and I won't take it. I can't handle it. I've been writing a lot lately. I do my best work highly intoxicated. Just like my old man. I sigh and pick up my phone groaning when I see that Kyla is calling for the millionth time. I don't want to talk to anyone. I know she's only trying to help but I can't be helped anymore. I'll dive into my music like the last time and pretend to be okay. The only person I want is Spencer. I slipped my number in her bag during the meet and greet the other night. Hopefully she just hasn't found it yet. But maybe she'll call. I laugh to myself, 'yeah right Ashley. Stop kidding yourself. She doesn't want anything to do with you. You deserve everything. You deserve all this pain.' I stand up and fall back down on the piano bench. I guess I'm not moving anytime soon, to drunk, to high.

***SPOV***

The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions. I basically lied to Carmen and told her something about Ashley talking about her dad made me that upset. She seems to believe me. I've been throwing myself into my work. I'm at the studio editing and piecing my movie together. My phone starts ringing and I sigh when I see its Kyla. I leave the room as I answer it.

"Hey Davies, what's up?"

"Spence, its Ash."

My heart sinks

"Look Kyla, I don't know if you know. But what happened..."

"No, I know what happened, Spencer. Ash was really broken up about it. I haven't heard anything from her since that night. Mitch was the last one to hear from her. He said she was horrible. She's been drinking heavily again. She won't listen to anyone. She won't answer any phone calls. I was wondering if you could just stop by the house and make sure she's still alive. I'm really worried about her."

I stay quiet. Am I ready to see her again? Can I be that close to her again without another breakdown? What if I kiss her again? No, I can't cheat on Carmen, not again. I'll go over to strictly see if she's alive and then I'll leave. I'm pulled from my thoughts as I hear Kyla start to speak up again.

"No, I got it Kyla. I'll go check up on her and I'll call you"

"Thank you so much Spencer. I owe you big"

I laugh a little and nod

"That you do. I'm headed to my car now. Bye"

Sighing as I walk back into the studio and I grab my bag, telling everyone that I need to go. That they don't have to stay, I rush to my car and speed off to the hills toward the mess that awaits me. When I finally pull up to the large white house. Taking a sigh of relief when I see her signature silver Porsche parked in front of the garage. My head wandering back to the memories of happier times with Ash and I. I shake my head quickly and swallow the lump that formed in my throat. 'No, I'm not here for a trip down memory lane. I'm here to make sure that Ashley is okay then I'm going home.'

Finally taking a deep breath and getting out of my car. I shake my hands mumbling "Come on Spencer, get your shit together." Bringing my hand up to the door forcing myself to knock quickly before I lose my nerve. I wait a few minutes before I try the doorbell this time. Groaning and hitting the door again, "Ashley, I know your home. Please answer the door. Kyla called and apparently you have everyone worrying about you." Running my hand through my hair waiting a few more minutes before I start getting extremely frustrated. "Well here's to hoping old habits are the same." I turn the handle and shake my head laughing slightly when the door pops open. Looking around the first floor not finding her so I head straight to the stairs and to the first door. Opening it quickly scanning her body then scanning the table and floor surrounding it. Whiskey bottles littering the floor, cigarette butts overflowing in the ashtray. What I see next makes me shake with overwhelming fear and anger, mostly fear. Fucking needles and burnt spoons. Tell me that I'm dreaming.

***APOV***

I eventually made it back to the couch, finishing off another joint, shooting up again. I light a cigarette as I let my mind drift in and out of euphoria. I hear the front door open. Knowing it's probably Kyla. Looking at the spoon, needle, dope, and the track marks on my arms. Mumbles, "Well I'm fucked." I close my eyes and await my death when she finally walks into the room. I take another drag of the cig as the door to the music room opens. But when I open my eyes I'm face to face with a very pissed off blonde. I start laughing and look at the bottle. "Wow the alcohol and drugs must be the shit if I'm now imagining you here in front of me." I lift the bottle only for it to be snatched out of my hand. Okay, now I'm angry. "What the fuck Spencer?" I go to grab the bottle back but my attempts were easily squashed. "Better question, what the fuck are you doing Ashley? Is this a suicide mission? Are you fucking serious?" I just laugh again as I put out my smoke. "Like you fucking care Spencer. You ran out on me the other night. You have..." I'm stopped by a burning smack to my cheek. The sound echoing in the room. My jaw clenching as more anger rolls through me. "I'm not the one who left first Ashley. You left me, without a word, no goodbye, no explanation. Nothing, I had no clue what happened. I find out from your sister that you put together a band and that you're going on some year and a half world tour only months, fucking months after you left. So don't you dare tell me I don't know what you're going through." I go to stop her from taking but she just holds up her hand. Then she points at the dope on the table. "But this Ashley, this shit is going to fucking kill you, just like it did your father." I stand quickly suddenly pissed off. "Don't you fucking think I know that? It makes me forget. All this pain, all this agony goes away."

I look down at the floor as tears well up in my eyes. "It helps me forget you. It makes me forget everything I've done to you." I hear the clink of the bottle being put down on the table and a sigh. I feel arms guide me back down to the couch as Spencer pulls me into her arms. I grip her shirt tightly as I let my tears fall. "I'm so fucking sorry Spencer. I'll do anything for your forgiveness. Please, anything." Her arms wrap tighter around me. "Get rid of the dope and stop drinking for now. I won't forgive you right away. But it's a start." I nod and look at her funny when she starts to get up. I get a little panicked. I grip her wrist. "Please don't leave again." She shakes her head and grabs the baggie, spoon and needle "I'm not going anywhere. You're going to get rid of it now. I'm going to clean up in here while you shower and you are going to get some sleep. Cause honestly, you look like shit." I laugh with her and nod "I know I still look good. Don't deny it." She rolls her eyes and holds out her hand for me "Glad to see your cockiness hasn't faded any. You know I need to call Kyla and tell her that you're alive and what you've been doing." I slump my shoulders and nod as we walk to the bathroom. "Yeah, unfortunately I know. She's going to fucking kill me."

***SPOV***

After Ashley gets rid of the dope I leave so she can shower. I go to the kitchen and put my hands on the counter letting a few tears fall. Seeing her like that is overwhelming. She's so fucking broken. I can't leave her with the dope sickness. I pull out my phone and quickly text Carmen. Lying again and telling her that I'm spending a week back at my mom's place. What's happening to me? I've never lied to Carmen, but now that Ashley is back that's all I seem to be doing to her. Next phone call is to Kyla. I fill her in on what happened. Then I grab a trash bag and head back to the music room. Opening up the window to air out the stench of stale jack and smoke, I quickly clean up the room. By the time I finish. I turn around to witness Ashley with dripping wet hair in only a sports bra and boy shorts. I swallow the lump in my throat as I watch a few beads of water roll down her defined abs. I take the time to let my eyes roam her body. She's a lot more muscular than I remember. A lot hotter with all those tattoos, I see some tribal markings on either side of her hips dipping below the front of her shorts. Wondering how far they go down.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when she clears her throat. I look away from her trying to hide my blush. Not before I see her smirking "Yeah, I have a few more decorations than you remember. I can show you where this one leads." I stop her before she pulls her boy shorts off. "You know that can't happen Ash. Go head to bed. I need to uhh throw this out" She stops me before I can get past her "When you come back will you come to umm... will you sleep with me. Shit, I don't me sleep with me. I mean like sleep, sleep with me." I laugh at her as she rambles on then sighs. "What I mean is will you lay in bed with me. I promise I'll keep my hands to myself." I brush past her and walk down the hallway backwards "Who said I was staying" She just smirks and runs her hands along her body. "You know you can't resist this body and you can't say no to this face" I bite my lip and turn around, sighing softly. She got that right. This is going to be one long week.

When I get back inside I realize that Ashley is already passed out. I lean up against the door frame as I watch her. I can't believe that she went this far. She's not the Ashley I know. Sure parts of her is the old Ashley, but this Ashley who has taken over is a far more broken shell. I have to help her. I can't see her like this anymore. There's no light in her eyes anymore. She has her mask on so tightly that I don't know if she knows how to take it off anymore. Sighing softly as I walk over to the bed, climbing in next to her. Pulling her gently into my arms, letting myself drift to sleep because I know when we wake up its going to be hell.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: So I know this chapter is really short and I kinda feel bad. I couldn't figure out how to combine this chapter with the next and make it run smoothly. So you guys get one more before I go to bed cause unfortunately I have to do the adult thing and work all weekend. YAY me... But enjoy your Memorial Day weekend folks. And remember this weekend is about remembering those who have died for our freedoms. So if you see someone who is currently serving or a veteran remember to thank them for everything they've done and continue to do for us.**

**Last but not least I still don't own anything minus the idea and the few characters that are mine. **

* * *

**CHAPTER 7**

***APOV***

_I know this is a dream, well a memory more like a nightmare. I'm reliving the night he died. I try to scream out to him, to tell him not to get into the car. To have someone drive him home. But I can't change it, my past self just going through the motions. Everything is happening in slow motion. Watching my dad's Cadillac swerving, going front first into the median going well over the speed limit. Me stopping the car and trying to get to him as the car catches fire. Only to be held back by Spencer. In that moment I hate her. I could have saved him. He could still be alive. But after living with the guilt for so long I realize there was nothing I could've done. She was just trying to make sure I wasn't killed too. I feel myself being shook awake. I hear Spencer call my name. I feel her arms wrap me in a warm embrace.._

As I open my eyes I'm hit with excruciating pain. I feel like my insides are being ripped apart. I clutch onto her arm as I wrap myself in a ball. Trying to will the pain to go away. Knowing this is only the beginning of the dope sickness. Feeling my body start to overheat but at the same time getting cold chills. The next time I open my eyes I feel a cool cloth wiping away the sweat on my forehead. Spencer pulled the chair that was in the corner against the bed. Wondering when she got up to get the cloth and move the chair. I could have sworn I just closed my eyes for a few seconds. I cough a few times before hoarsely whispering "it hurts so bad Spence, please make it go away."

***SPOV***

I run my fingers through her sweat soaked hair. My heart sinks when I hear the pain in her voice as she asks, no begs me to make the pain go away. I choke back a sob, if she only knew that I would in a heartbeat if I could. "I wish I could Ashley. Here drink this." I grab the glass of water and help her take a few sips of it. Knowing the nausea and throwing up is just around the corner, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. Sighing as I feel how hot she is. Her fever is rising. Figures she doesn't have anything here for it. "Hey sweetie, I'm going to head to the store to get some over the counter pain relievers. It'll take the edge off and help the fever. Do you want me to call Kyla and have her watch you till I get back?" She just shakes her head. "Please don't, don't want her to see me like this."

***APOV***

Spencer left a few minutes ago. I groan as I slowly get up, feeling my tired muscles strain and my joints aching for any kind of relief. Doubling over before I reach the door. Grabbing my stomach as pain shoots through it. 'Fuck, I can't take this pain any longer.' I appreciate Spencer being thoughtful and getting me pain killers. But the only thing that will help is the one thing she will never approve of, slowly staggering to the music studio. The last place I remember seeing my phone. I smile greatly when I finally find it, shaking my hands to try to steady them enough to dial his number. Groaning and biting my lip as more pain rolls through my body, waiting impatiently for an answer. "Finally... it's me... I know I sound as shitty as I feel. Withdraw... hurry over. Please."

I get up holding onto anything stable enough to support me as I make it to the door when I finally hear him knock. Opening the door, squinting and groaning at the bright sun shining around his 6 foot frame, backing up to let him in barely making it to the living room. I'm rocking back and forth as I rub my arms, feeling slightly dizzy and nauseous. Knowing if I don't shoot up soon I will puke everywhere. Aiden looks at me sympathetically as he starts melting down the dope. "Don't give me look Aiden. You are the one dealing this shit to me. You're as much to blame as I am." He kinda laughs and nods "Well yeah but last I heard you were clean for over a year. You were the one who said you needed it. I just supply it." He fills the syringe and I start getting second thoughts. I start to shake my head thinking I need to stay clean no matter how bad this hurts. I need to make Spencer proud of me again. To show her I'm not just some junkie rock star, just a few more days of this and it'll get better.

He just holds his hand out for my arm. "Come on Ash, let's make you all better. Let me help the pain go away." I look at the syringe biting my lip as I debate. "I...I...can't Aiden. You have to leave." Before I can fully stand up Aiden tightly grabs my wrist

pulling me back down, pinning me against the couch. Wincing knowing fully well that's going to bruise. I try to push him off me but in my weakened state he doesn't budge. "I cooked it for you Ashley, its fucking useless I can't sell already cooked dope. And you know I only deal I'm not a junkie like you. So I'm going to pump this shit into your veins and you are going to become what you truly are, a worthless junkie rock star. Just like your father was." I swallow the bile rising in my throat, shaking my head as I struggle against his grip. "I'm not going to turn into my father." Wincing as he stabs the needle into my arm. "No, please don't Aiden. Please" He just laughs and pushes the plunger all the way down, pushing the opiates into my veins. I stop fighting against him as my mind becomes cloudy. The drugs quickly taking over, I feel him grab my chin roughly making me look at him through blurry vision. "Its way too late for that Ashley, you're already him."

I let out a strangled cry and shake my head a few times. My head hangs as he lets go. "I'll be waiting for your call. See you later Ashley." He just gets up and leaves as I'm left floating in and out of consciousness. The last thing I remember before succumbing to the dark world behind my eyelids is the crashing of bags against the floor and my name being called in the distance. Mumbles softly "I'm my father" before my world goes completely black.

***SPOV***

As I get closer to the house I see a motorcycle peel out of Ashley's driveway. My mind going on overdrive, immediately recognizing the person on the bike. "Fuck, I knew I shouldn't have left her alone." Speeding into the driveway almost flying through the windshield with the force of me slamming on the brakes. Grabbing the bags before running into the house, letting the bags fall seeing her nodding off on the couch. "Shit, Ashley!" When I reach her I hear her mumble something about being her father. I shake her a little bit "Come on babe, come back to me. Wake up." She starts to stir mumbling 'I'm sorry' and 'forced'. I look at her arm gritting my teeth when I see a fresh track mark in the crook of her inner elbow. A darkening blue mark on her wrist catches my eyes, letting anger overwhelm me realizing what she meant by forced. 'I'm gonna fucking kill him.' Pulling out my phone telling Kyla to get over here and to bring Sean, that I'd explain everything when they got here.

Wiping a tear from my cheek, my anger softening as I look at the broken figure in front of me. "I am so sorry I wasn't here Ashley. This is my all fault. I should have stayed."

***20 mins later***

***SPOV***

I'm pacing around the living room as I chew on my thumbnail. Looking up quickly as the door opens. I quickly run around the couch and in front of the steps effectively blocking the small brunette from losing her cool on Ashley. "I know you're pissed Kyla, I am too but that's not what she needs right now. What we need to focus on is helping her and keeping Aiden from her." I wince a little bit as Sean goes ridged, "That piece of shit. He's dead." He shakes Kayla's hand off his arm and heads for the door. Kyla starts to plead with him, "Sean, look he's not worth it." He shakes his head and opens the door, "No Kyla, Ash is family to me. I will make sure he doesn't go anywhere near her again. That's a promise." Kyla and I both jump slightly when the door is slammed and I sigh softly. "He'll be okay, just let him do what he wants. Look Ash should be asleep for a few hours, why don't we make some lunch and watch tv." I pull her into a hug and she nods against my shoulder.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Like I promised the final chapter of the night. I work all weekend so I will try my hardest to upload another chapter Tuesday when I have off again. Song is Is There Anybody Out There by Secondhand Serenade.**

**Yep, still don't own SON if I did it would still be on T.V. or at least I'd make episodes and post them somewhere.**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

***SPOV***

It's the end of the week. I'm about ready to pull my hair out. Between Ash's mood swings and Kyla picking fights with her, let's just say I'm thankful I'm going home

in the morning. I miss Carmen, I miss my damn bed. Sleeping on the couch just doesn't do it anymore for me. Don't say it. Yeah Ash mentioned that there was plenty of room on the bed with her. I just figured it would be best if I slept away from her. I don't want a repeat of last week. So that's where I am now. I just got off the phone with Carmen a little bit ago, drifting off to sleep with the thought of seeing Carmen tomorrow.

I'm woken up buy the soft strumming of a guitar flowing through the house. Squinting as I turn on my phone to check the time. '3am, fucking really?' Well I guess Ash couldn't sleep and it doesn't look like I'll be going back to sleep anytime soon. I get up, walking to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. Slowly and quietly sneaking down the hall hearing Ashley's voice softly singing unfamiliar lyrics, the door to the music room is only half closed so I lean against the door frame. Watching how her fingers move along the guitar, pausing to scribble something out on the papers in front of her before singing the same part and playing different chords. Trying to figure out the right combination.

**You can say goodbye,  
****To all the things that you have ever known.  
****You can say goodbye,  
****And leave behind the life that you have grown.  
****What's the point,  
****You try to start from scratch,****but get let down,  
****You can say goodbye,**

**Just to realize there's no-one left around.  
****So what am I fighting for?**

I watch her smile a little to herself. Knowing she finally found the right combination. She pauses again circling whatever she last wrote down.

**Tell me  
****Is there anybody out there,  
****Am I swimming through this empty sea alone,  
****Am I looking for an answer  
****Or am I trying to find a way to get back home.  
****Is there anybody out there,  
****Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried,  
****I'm looking for an answer  
****And just trying to find a way to survive.**

Closing my eyes, concentrating on the words, her voice. She pauses again sighing in frustration before re-singing the part again.

**You can live or die,  
****Without the chance to find out what your worth,  
****You can live or die,  
****And never find the one that she'd deserve,  
****You can walk alone,  
****And live inside the shadows in your heart,  
****You can say goodbye  
****Only to find out you've been alone right from the start  
**

**So what am I fighting for?  
****Tell me  
****Is there anybody out there?  
****am I swimming through this empty sea alone,  
****Am I looking for an answer?  
****Or am I trying to find a way to get back home.  
****Is there anybody out there?  
****Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried?  
****I am looking for an answer  
****And just trying to find a way to survive.**

It suddenly gets quiet; I open my eyes blushing when I see she's looking up at me. Wondering how long I've been standing there. I clear my throat and point back to the hallway "I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep anymore. Heard you playing so I started some coffee. I got caught up in listening. And now I'm babbling, I'm just going to uhhh go." Before I have the chance to walk away she's shaking her head "Spence, wait. You don't have to go. Stay...please?" I smile and nod, returning to my place against the door frame. She smiles and takes a deep breath, locking eyes with me before she continues.

**Never thought I would end up all alone,  
****Every day I am feeling further away from home,  
****I can't catch my breath,  
****but I am holding on.  
****Is there anybody out there,  
****is this the last time I have to say goodbye,  
****Am I staring at my future,  
****Is it time to take charge of my life,**

Her eyes bore into mine. I see her pleading to come back to her through her eyes. My heart sinks knowing fully well that I can't be her future. I was, a long time ago. But I just can't do it. I can't get hurt like that again. Carmen really loves me and I love her. Carmen is my future now. 'Yeah, remember that Spencer'

**Is there anybody out there  
****Am I swimming through this empty sea alone,  
****Am I looking for an answer,  
****or am I trying to find a way to get back home,  
****Is there anybody out there,  
****Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried,  
****I am looking for an answer,  
****And just trying to find a way to survive,  
****a way to survive,  
****and I am holding on.**

By the time she's finished her eyes are closed, they stay that way for a few long moments. It's like she's trying to get her emotions back in check before she crumbles again. I use that moment to slip out the door and back to the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee, leaning my back against the counter. Taking a few sips as Ashley wraps around the corner with an unlit cigarette in her mouth. Her shirt riding up as she reaches for a mug, exposing her toned stomach. My eyes traveling back to the tattoo that dances around her back and around her hips.

Not being able to stop myself knowing what I'm about to do is horribly wrong. I set my mug down. Grabbing her hips, pinning her body between mine and the counter.

***APOV***

My breath catching in my throat feeling her body heat quickly warming my back, letting my cigarette fall as I push my palms into the counter. Losing all motor functions when I feel her lightly tracing my tattoo along my back and around my hips. She stops just short of my pant line, pushing her body right up against mine. Tilting my head, arching my back as her nose runs along my neck. Shivering when she stops just below my sweet spot before she breathes deeply, like she wants my scent to be etched in her nose forever. My stomach muscles contract against her dancing fingers. I push my fingers harder into the counter. Knowing this needs to stop, it's gone to far already. I try to bite back a moan when I feel her nails against my skin, failing miserably. "Fuck...Spence..." Biting my lip when her teeth graze against the shell of my ear. Her hot breath giving me goose bumps as it flows over my face, "I want you Ash" I feel the heat in the pit of my stomach rise to an all-time high.

Turning around in her arms with my hand on her chest, trying to create some space so I can think clearly. Her eyes clearly darker than her normal blue eyes bore into my now darker brown ones. "Spencer, I..." I guess she had other plans about the space thing because I find my wrists pinned down at my sides and her lips crashing into mine. Moaning against her lips as I can't help but kiss her back. 'Fuck this dominant Spencer is fucking hot.' Matching her intensity, my brain finally catching up to what's happening. I lean as far back as I can with my back being against the counter. "Spence, we need to stop. This isn't right...oh fuck" My knees get weak while she nips at my pulse point. Obviously not listening to a word I'm saying. I shake my head quickly and wiggle my wrists out of her grasp, holding her hips pushing against them in one last attempt to get her to stop. Breathing heavy as I try to gain some composure back. She tries to lean closer to me again. But I slip out of her grasp completely, standing a few feet from her. "You know we can't do this. You have a girlfriend and are going back to her today." I hesitate before I grab my cigarette that was forgotten about just a few minutes ago. Lighting it as I walk away, leaving her just standing in the kitchen. Heading straight for the backyard, needing to clear my head badly.

Dipping my feet into the cool water as I sit along the edge of the pool. I sigh and tug my hair slightly. Trying to get my baring's back. 'Fuck, being friends is a hell of a lot harder than I thought. Plus seeing her in my clothes again is throwing me all out of whack. Uggh, why can't anything be easy in my life?' I groan trying to get my hormones back in check. Just trying to keep telling myself that she's leaving today. I love her deeply; hell I'm in love with her and I don't want her to leave. Her being this close is amazing and hurtful at the same time. My memories of this past week have been a bit of a blur until I finally got all the drugs out of my system. Some a little more confusing than others...

_I'm finally able to just sit up without wanting to puke my guts out. Still feeling pretty weak as I drag my ass to shower. Closing my eyes as the water soothes my sore muscles. I turn the dial to the hottest setting I can stand, basking in it as my skin turns slightly pink. I finally turn off the water feeling slightly more refreshed being clean again. I quickly dry myself off, walking back into my room looking for some clothes to lounge in. "Hey Ash, are you...fuck me" I can't help a small smirk feeling Spencer's eyes roam my very naked body. I don't bother trying to cover it up. I've never been self-conscious about my body. I mean, I'm hot. Have you seen me? _

_***SPOV***_

_I open and close my mouth willing my brain to send any kind of words to form in my mouth. I bite my lip letting my eyes wander over her body. I can't help it, have you seen her? My mind reliving the moments I had her body under mine. Hearing her moan, feeling her squirm while I... I quickly slap my hand over my eyes, trying desperately to shake the memories before I end up jumping her. "I'll uhhh, ummmm I'll be out there...somewhere" Turning around with my eyes still tightly closed. I end up smacking my face against the door-frame. "Fucking shit balls" My eyes instantly start watering from the impact._

_***APOV***_

_I throw a pair of boy shorts on when I see Spence get lost in her head. Watching her eyes darken, knowing fully well the subject she's thinking about. Throwing a tight beater on just in time to witness her run right into the wall. "Fucking shit balls" I quirk my eyebrows and laugh a little at the words that fall out of her mouth. I quickly move to her, gently grabbing her shoulder to turn her towards me. Her eyes still closed tightly. I gently grab her hand away from her face. Inspecting it to make sure she's not seriously hurt. Placing my hand on the side of her face, rubbing her cheekbone with the pad of my thumb. "Open your eyes Spence, I promise all the goodies are covered" Smiling softly as I see her slowly crack her eyes open before fully opening them again. My smile fading when I watch her lips move closer to mine. She hesitates and bites her lip before sighing and hanging her head. Backing away before turning around and safely walking through the door, leaving my hand to limply fall back to my side._

I shake my head at the memory. What hurts the most is I see how she wants me still. I feel a growl deep in my chest knowing the only one standing in my way is that little wanna be. I mean come on. We all know the only one that can pull off the signature Ashley Davies look is the one and only Ashley Davies. Well that and Spencer, but I'm slightly bias on that one. I eventually get up and go back inside, finding Spencer and Kyla at the table idly chatting. Hoping they don't notice me as I try to sneak back into my room. "Ash?" Well I guess not. Sighing softly as I turn around "Not now Kyla, I'm tired" I go to walk away again before I feel a hand on my shoulder "No Ashley, you can't keep hiding away in your room or the studio. What the fuck happened to my sister?" I clench my jaw slightly feeling the anger rise, does she not get it? Spencer being here hurts but at the same time I wouldn't want her anywhere else. "Ky, I'm not hiding away anywhere. I just want to fucking take a nap. I haven't been sleeping. Your sister is right fucking here." She just laughs bitterly and shakes my head. "Are you seriously kidding me? No, the Ashley Davies that is standing here right in front of me is not the girl I grew up with. This Ashley is just an empty void of her former self." My anger at its peak at her words "You don't fucking get it Kyla. You don't unders..." Before I know it she's up in my face cutting me off before I get a chance to continue "Then make me understand. Tell me what's going on. Why the fuck you are shutting all of us out?" Before I get another word out Spence is between us like usual the past few days. "Kyla, just knock it off. She doesn't need this right now."

Looking straight past her and shooting daggers at Kyla. She puts both hands on either side of my face, brushing her thumbs along my tightened jaw. I can't help but feel it loosen up some. I glance away from Kyla but not looking into Spencer's eyes. Knowing I won't be able to handle seeing her so close. Its already hard enough having her this close to me. "Ash, look at me babe." I test a glance at her after hearing her husky whisper. "That's it Ash, just focus on me. I've got you. Come back" The constant gentle massage against my jaw making it relax completely. Getting lost in her eyes and her voice, I feel the tension completely leave my muscles. I sink down the wall, out of her hands, away from those eyes. Pulling my knees to my chest trying my hardest to shut the world out and keep my emotions from getting the better of me.

*SPOV*

I kneel next to Ashley after she pulls away and shuts off again. She flinches away almost immediately after I place it against her knee. I pull it away quickly before looking over at Kyla "Look, I don't know what's wrong with her. I know you want to help and I know you're worried. But let me try to take care of her first. Okay?" She just nods and looks at the poor girl on the floor and walks away. When I look back to Ash she's got her face buried against her knees with her arms wrapped around her head. I slowly and gently pull her into my arms only met with a slight resistance. "I can't do this anymore Spence." Looking down at her questioningly, "What can't you do Ash?" She just curls in on herself further. "Losing...losing my dad hurts, losing you hurts. You being here hurts, you leaving today hurts. Everything hurts. I just want it all to go away." I take a shaky breath, trying to find the words to say. Gently placing my fingers under her chin lifting those caramel orbs to my ocean blue ones. "Your dad is always with you, Ash." I place my hand on her chest just above her heart "Right in here. He'll always be there. And as for me, everything that's happened to us is in the past. Do I forgive you? Not completely but I'm willing to be friends. That's all I can give you." She just leans her head back against the wall, letting the tears roll down her cheeks.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Sorry it took all day to post this. But as promised the new chapter is finally here. Enjoy :)**

**Song: She's a rebel - Green Day**

**Still don't own a thing.**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

***APOV***

So there's a saying that goes 'If you love something set it free, if it comes back it's yours.' Correct? Well I think that's total bullshit. If you love it why ever let it go in the first place? Why put yourself and that other person through the pain of leaving? If you love that person so much why tear their heart along with yours to shreds? I mean who in their right mind would ever do something like that? I'll tell you who, me. But then again I don't think I've ever been in my right mind. If I was, I wouldn't have left Spencer, I would have grown the tits and I would have never left her. She wouldn't have gone through that heartache, nor would she have moved on and be happy without me. But if she is truly happy then why did she kiss me back that night? Why did she almost kiss me again the other day along with pinning me against the counter this morning and kiss me yet again?

I groan loudly and hop on the side of the treadmill breathing heavy as I push the speed button down until the treadmill stops completely. Laughing softly and singing along to Green Day,

"**She's a rebel, she's a saint.  
She's salt of the earth and she's dangerous.  
She's a rebel, vigilante.  
Missing link on the brink of destruction."**

Humming the rest of the song as I walk upstairs, directly to the kitchen to get a water. Downing half the bottle before smirking when I see Spencer standing next to the pool with her back to me. I grin widely when an idea pops into my head, sneaking out of the back door as quietly as I can. She can't know I'm out here for this plan to work. I get as close as I can behind her, leaning that last little bit before I loudly yell "BOO!" She screams and jumps, losing her footing against the side of the pool, landing with a splash. I erupt in laughter holding my stomach, doubling over not being able to stand straight. The look on her face when she comes back up just making my day. "Hahaha….shit Spence, I so wasn't expecting you to fall into the pool. But that just made this so much more enjoya…." Before I can finish my sentence I feel her hand wrap around my wrist tugging with enough force to send me tumbling into the pool. Coming back out and splashing her and grumbling about how mean she is. She just smirks "So worth seeing the look of shock on your face." I splash her again as she mocks the face I 'didn't' made. "I so didn't make that face." She just laughs at my pout "Oh, you so did but that's okay. I won't tell a soul."

***SPOV***

"Good, cause Ashley Davies is a rock star and nothing scares her." At that I laugh harder when she puts on her 'tough face'. "I'll just let you keep believing that, Ash. But seriously, why do you put on this façade, why not show who you really are?" I say as I pull myself up on the edge of the pool. She starts dragging her finger through the water watching the ripples it causes while thinking for a moment. "It's easier to put on this mask, to make my fans, the paparazzi, everyone believe that my thoughts aren't tearing me apart. That I'm tough and nothing can touch me. The second anyone finds out what's really in my head is the second the media will be all over it. The media feeds on pain and fuck ups, I'm trying to starve them on my end." Her face falls into a frown as she stares intently into the water like it holds all of life's unexplainable meanings. I stay quiet and just watch her expressions while she sinks deeper into her own mind. "You just need to cheer up, Ash. Get out and do something. You can't keep wallowing in your own self-pity." I cringe slightly at the bitter laugh that escapes her lips. "Easy for you to say, Spencer. You have someone, you are happy, you've clearly moved on. What do I have? A dead father, a sister who hates me, a mother who is non-existent and off god only knows where, fucking some guy, a house that is so lonely I can't stand it. I have to sit here and watch the woman who I still love, love someone else. All I have is my music and at times that's not enough." It's my turn to laugh bitterly. Really is she seriously playing the victim card here? Really? After the heartache she put me through? "Are you fucking serious right now Ashley?" I clench my jaw and stand quickly making my way back into the house. I just need to leave, coming back was a mistake. I can't be in her life anymore. Ignoring her when she calls out my name while a grab everything I need to leave. 'Fuck, where are my keys?'

I start rummaging through the living room, the quicker I find them the quicker I can go back home and forget any of this ever happened. The slight jingle of metal stops me in my tracks. Seeing Ashley hold up my keys makes me slightly more pissed off. "Give me my keys, Ash." She shakes her head and slides them into her back pocket, "not till you talk to me, Spence. I'm not letting you leave pissed off. I refuse to let things end like this." Rubbing my face with my palms to try and ease some of the anger flowing through me. You know what, fuck this. I stalk closer to her before stopping inches from her face. Smirking slightly when I see a quick flash of guilt in her eyes, good she deserves it. I push on her shoulders just hard enough to rock her back slightly, a look of shock on her face. "Oh so its okay for you to end it however you want, is that it? It's okay for you to just disappear for over two years without one single goodbye or reason as to why you left." I push her again only harder making her take a few steps backwards replacing them with my own steps forward. "But the second I try to leave it's not okay anymore. God forbid that Ashley fucking Davies doesn't get her way. I cried..." Push. "every fucking night..." Push. "begging that it was all just a dream..." Push "that I was just in some sick and twisted nightmare, and when I woke up everything would have been okay, cause you'd be there to hold me and tell me that I'd be okay. That it wasn't real." Eventually I can't push her anymore seeing as I've backed her up into a wall. She remains silent just taking everything I've bottled up over the years. "But every morning I woke up and realized that it wasn't some nightmare, that it was real. You left me Ashley. No goodbye, no reason. I loved you and…and you stomped on my heart then walked away." Ashley just stares intently at me then suddenly flips us around pinning me against the wall. Her slight lavender scent mixed with the chlorine of the pool dancing around me. Making my knees go weak and my resolve crumble. The silence is killing me more than when I just yelled at her. The old Ashley would have fought back, she would have yelled, or kissed me, something. Maybe she's too far gone to be saved, part of her has lost that passion, and part of her has given up. I close my eyes when I feel the pads of her thumbs brush away unnoticed tears. 'When the hell did I start to cry?' She puts her hands against the wall on either side of my head. Feeling trapped yet comforted at the same time.

***APOV***

The pain in her eyes, her voice, it's tearing me apart. I did this to her, I'm the reason she's so hurt. It's my fault she's not mine. My fault the tears are being shed out of her gorgeous eyes and down her smooth cheeks. The day I broke her heart was the day I broke mine. But right now, in this moment it's not about me. So I do the only thing I can think of, staring into her eyes quickly looking at her lips then back up to her eyes. Biting my lip slightly as I slowly move closer to her. Suppressing my moan when our bodies come into contact. I close my eyes and press my lips slightly against hers. Wanting to desperately show her that I'm here to stay, that if I leave again she's coming with me. I'd never leave her alone again. She needs me as much as I need her. I just need to remind her of that again. Show her that she still loves me, I can see it still. The sideways glances when she thinks I'm not paying attention. I see it in her eyes sometimes, that love is buried deep but it's still there. I just need to bring it to the surface, I won't give up on her. Not again, not a chance in hell.

She stiffens against me and I press my fingers against the wall, wanting nothing more than for her to just give into those feelings. As soon as I go to pull away I feel an arm wrap around my waist holding me against her. Her lips finally moving with mine, her other hand tangled in my hair. I nip at her bottom lip begging for entrance that she so willingly grants me. Moaning as our tongues come into contact, battling for dominance that I gladly give her. Pushing further into the kiss tangling my own hand in her hair. A whimper escaping my lips as she pulls away. I smile softly as her forehead rests against mine. Keeping my eyes closed as I regain my breath wishing with all my broken heart that this moment will last forever. Engraving it in my memory before I finally open my eyes to see her staring back at me.

Whispering so softly I doubt she can hear me, "I refuse to give up on us" Her sullen expression telling me that she heard every word so I start to speak louder. "I know I fucked everything up Spence. I shouldn't have left. I should have stayed, protected your heart instead of being the one to destroy it. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but one day I will get you back. You're it for me Spencer Carlin." I sigh softly when she looks away. Gently placing my fingers under her chin to make eye contact with her. "I love you, forever Spencer. Always have, always will. I'll love you till the day I take my last breath and then even beyond that. I need you…please tell me you need me too." The tears in my eyes threatening to fall along with the fresh ones in hers. Please just need me Spencer, please don't give up on me yet. "I do need you, Ash. Just not the way I used to. I loved you so much and part of me will always love you. But my future is with Carmen now. As much as you don't want to hear or believe it but I am in love with her. You just have to accept that and move on. There won't be an us again. Maybe is not worth the fight anymore." I look down trying to hide the tears, the pain. Choking back a sob after I feel her lips against my cheek. I don't bother trying to stop her as she grabs her keys from my pocket. "I'm sorry Ashley, you have to let me go." A fresh wave of tears roll down my cheeks and my chest so tight I can barely breathe. Feeling the warmth of her body move away leaving me cold and empty once again. I can't bear watching her walk away. No matter how badly I want to see her even if it's just one last time. The doorknob twists causing the door to open. Her footsteps moving further and further away. Her hesitation as I choke out in a broken whisper "Please don't leave." A sigh, then more footsteps before the door shuts behind her. With that, she's gone.


	10. Chapter 10

I'm not sure if I have anyone following this story anymore. It's been over a year since I've posted anything. With major writers block and working literally all the time I've neglected you guys and I'm so sorry. But with the block finally lifted I have begun writing again. New chapters soon. I promise!


	11. Chapter 11

Well here it is, long awaited but finally here. Thanks for beingpatient with me. You guys are awesome. I promise I'll try to update once maybe twice a week. It depends on how fast I write and edit.

Still don't own anything SON.

* * *

**Chapter 10 **

**SPOV**

Hours pass since I've left Ashley's. I drive aimlessly until I find myself at the pier, at 'our' pier. The one where I told Ashley I liked girls and later on confessed my love for her. My back against a support beam as I listen to the waves crash against the sand. Before I know it the sky darkens as the sun starts to set. Brushing off the sand from my body as I walk back to my car. As soon as I start driving I get lost in my head again. Leaving Ashley's was hard, the look in her eyes, her voice so broken and lost. It took everything in me to walk away. A battle between my heart and head confuses me to no end. My heart calling out for Ash, but also wanting Carmen. My head telling me to forget this past week and be with Carmen. She's done nothing but love me. Ashley left, she left me to pick up all my broken pieces without even the slightest glance back.

As I pull up to the house I share with Carmen I notice all the lights are off. Sighing in relief, thinking I won't have to explain why I've been crying or why I'm hours late. I step through the doorway throwing my keys throwing my keys into the dish next to it before going to the kitchen. I turn on the light, going to the sink to fill a glass.

"Where were you?" The voice breaks through the silence causing me to yelp and grab my chest in attempt to calm my now racing heart. "Carm, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing sitting in the dark?" I turn around and look through the opening in the wall between the kitchen and dining room. My heart sinking when I noticed the dinner she cooked on the table certainly cold, multiple beer bottles littering the table in front of her. "Where were you, Spencer?" Should I tell her? Should I lie? "I told you, I was at my moms." Lie it is then. Her bitter laugh telling me that she doesn't believe a word.

"That's funny, I called your mom a few hours ago. She told me that she hasn't seen you in weeks. So I ask you again, where the fuck were you." She stops fidgeting with the label of her bottle to look up at me. The hurt and anger clear in her eyes, my heart sinking further knowing that I'm the cause of it. Exiting the kitchen as I try to collect my thoughts. Tears evident in her brown orbs as I walk closer. "Are you...are you cheating on me? Is there someone else?" Looking down at my hands as they shake, I open and close my mouth a few times before I softly mutter, "yes."

"Who? Is it that bitch who works with you?" I shake my head but don't speak. As much as I need to tell her my mouth won't form the words. How do I tell the woman I love that I cheated on her with my ex, who I'm clearly still not over. I'm startled from my thoughts when Carmen's fist connects with the table. "Who was it, Spencer?" Swallowing the lump in my throat, slowly looking up at her. "Ashley. I was with Ashley all week, but it's not what you think. I was there because..." She quickly stands the chair being knocked over from the force. "Not what I think? Are you serious?! You lie to me about where you were all week. You tell me you cheated on me but it's not what I think?"

**APOV**

What am I gonna do now? She told me she doesn't need me like I need her anymore. I don't want to feel this anymore, I don't want to feel my heart breaking. I just want to feel numb. To be high and blissfully unaware of everything. Quickly making it to my music room I start moving things around. Maybe there's some heroin left. Even just a little bit. Flipping the couch cushions over searching everywhere I can think of. I groan and run my fingers through my hair. Biting my lip as I take out my phone. Not calling the number I want but calling the number I need at the moment. "Kyla, look I know it's three in the morning. Where does Spencer live?"

Ten minutes of convincing her that I need to apologize to her and another twenty, I'm sitting in my car across the street from a modest two story house. Seeing Spencer's car in the driveway it takes me another ten minutes to work up the nerve to get out of the car. As I near the door I shake my hands trying to find the courage to keep walking. This isn't right. It's almost four in the morning, I can't do this right now. This can wait till later. Tomorrow maybe? I start to turn around when I hear what sounds like glass breaking. Quickly running up the steps to the porch I knock, well basically pound on the door. "Spence? It's me, open up. Is everything okay!?" Hearing loud shouting I try the knob muttering a quiet 'thank you' when it turns with ease. I run down the short hallway ducking just as a beer bottle barely misses my head and shatters against the wall behind me.

"Okay, what the fuck is going on here?" Two sets of eyes whip my direction. "Ash?" One set of feet rush to me. One fist connects with my jaw, splitting my lip. Well I guess she knows. "That's for hurting Spencer two years ago. This, well this is for getting her to cheat on me." Before I have time to defend myself let alone speak a word Carmen's knee connects with my stomach, effectively knocking the breath from my lungs. Causing me to fall to my hands and knees trying my hardest to take a breath. As soon as I feel like I can breath again I go to stand, before I can there's a kick to my ribs. Hearing something crack as I'm knocked to my back. A dark haze appearing in the edges of my vision from lack of oxygen to my lungs. What the fuck does this girl do? Fight for a living?

"Stop Carmen! You'll kill her!"

I feel her hands against my cheek before I see her face. "Ashley, stay awake for me please. Open your eyes and look at me." I open my eyes slowly looking into those ocean blues. "That's is. Just stay with me." I nod, groaning in pain as I try to sit up. She pushes my shoulder down till it meets the floor. "Just stay right here. Don't move okay?" She gets up before I can answer.

**SPOV**

"That's just fucking perfect! You cheat on me with her and now you defend her? Fuck this shit. You two can have each other." I take one more glance at Ashley before I follow Carmen to the door. I place my hand on her arm turning her around to face me. "Carm, wait. I'm sorry okay. I didn't plan of any of this to happen. Please, I love you. Don't leave." Now don't get me wrong, I'm furious that she literally just kicked the shit out of Ashley. But it doesn't change the fact that I still love her. That I want to work things out and that I still want to be with her. I sigh softly as I'm pulled into a deep kiss. Granting her access when I feel her tongue against my bottom lip. I wrap my arms around her waist as she pulls away slightly. Her forehead resting against mine. "You pushed me out the moment you cheated Spence. I'll be by later this week to get my stuff." And with that she pulls away completely and is out the door before I even have the chance to respond.


End file.
